Chronicals of an Amateur Hockey Dad

Polar Bears

davidoarr — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 06:46:33 +0000

It’s been a big year for Josie. I need to write a few blogs about summer camp and girls playing on “boys” teams. Those will have to wait.

Josie is heading to the Polar Bear tournament tomorrow. It is a tournament held every year between Christmas and New Years in CT, sponsored by the CT Polar Bears, a girls hockey club. We’ve never been, but it seems like a well attended tournament with teams from as far away as Alaska, California and Florida showing up.

This will be Josie’s first experience with AA girls hockey. She’s on a team that is coming together for just this tournament. They only had a few practices, so I’m hoping they are able to at least hold their own against the teams from the North-East.

Hard Work = Hockey Goals: Josie’s First Goal

davidoarr — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 18:21:24 +0000

Christian Ivgne was the girls program coordinator at the time. He didn’t watch many games, but was in attendance for one game at Cabin John Ice rink. He said something to Josie before the game and I confess, I do not remember the words exactly, but the gist was something like he was there to see her score. Christian sat at the end of the ice on a stool a few feet from the boards, right behind the net. About 10 minutes into the game, Josie took the puck at center ice and bolted toward the goal on a clear break-away. I said something like “Oh No”, because I assumed she would crack under the pressure and miss the net or “ding”, she’d hit the post. Christian actually said something like, “Don’t worry, she’s going to score”. And she did. It was a pretty little wrist shot up over the goalies arm. Josie looked more surprised than happy. I was both. Christian said he knew she was going to score because she was working hard. He also said that if she worked that way all the time, she’d score every game. And she did. Josie scored every single game for the rest of the season including a few multi-goal games.

If you get thrown off the roof, just roll with it.

davidoarr — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 18:16:03 +0000

Last year, Josie was one of only two girls from the previous year’s team who was not selected to play on the team again. She was cut. Hard words to say to a kid who works hard - especially in girls hockey, where I think the social connection to the other girls on the team can be just as important as the love of the game. Complicating matters, she was one of only two girls who missed the practice where the decision maker was on the ice making evaluations. Gut wrenchingly, and against my wife’s advice, it was my choice to have her skip that practice because we had other commitments. Correctly or not, I felt at least partly responsible. Like most parents, I went through the many stages of grieving: denial, ”There must have been a mistake.”; anger, “I will not stand for this injustice”; and eventually ended up with acceptance. I mention this because every hockey parent, rightly or wrongly, at some point will encounter a situation where you feel like your child was in some way wronged. I would never tell any parent not to advocate for their kid, but I think sometimes parents are driven by a combination of pride, paranoia, delusion, and fear. I think the way we handle these situations is the most important lesson we can teach our kids. Pick your idiom, “every cloud has a silver lining” , ”the glass is half full”, “Rome wasn’t build in a day”; they are all philosophically correct. Disruptions in life bring new opportunities and teach us valuable lessons.

Like many things in life, the crushing disappointment turned out to have been the best possible outcome. Why?

First, Josie was 10 and her old team ended up playing against what were really U14 teams (with some older girls sprinkled in). That team suffered many defeats and I heard from several parents that the younger girls were marginalized and they were unhappy with the way the season was turning out. I also watched the team play several times, and I don’t think Josie was nearly aggressive enough or skilled enough to contribute to the team at that level.

Second, she needed to gain some confidence as a player and she had an opportunity to become a leader. Josie was pushed back into a younger girls program where she was one of the better players. There were still several girls her age and some older, but there were also some younger girls, who really looked up to her. I was so proud of the way she handled the situation. The father of one of Josie’s friends once said to me, Josie can handle anything, you could throw her of a roof and she’d just roll with it. I am not too sure what that means exactly, but I do know she got over her disappointment quickly. More importantly, she met a bunch of great girls that she really bonded with and she became a team leader. I think the lesson learned as a parent is, don’t underestimate your kid. Josie didn’t dwell on the negative, so it was important that I didn’t either.

I did talk to Josie about not making the team, although I have no idea if she was listening. What I told her, and I believe is true, is this. If you really want something, you have to make the decision easy. If Josie was one of the top skaters on the ice, she would not have been cut. She was on the margin. I think she was probably about the same skill level as several girls who played on the team, but she was certainly in the bottom quartile. Neither I nor anyone else could make her want to be a better skater or help her play more aggressively. These were things only she could control and it was her choice. If she did the work, she would get rewarded.

Halfway through the season, the younger girls were formed into a u10/u12 team. Josie was getting to play games against competition that was appropriate for her age and skill-level. She scored her first goal and went on to score many others. More importantly, once she knew she could score, she started working harder to help other girls score. She passed a lot, really tried to make smart hockey plays, and I think played a very team-focused game. The team really came together that season. Because the girls spent so much time practicing and many of them were not great skaters, they really relied on each other. One of the team’s goals that I happened to capture on video involved passes to every player on the ice before the smallest girl on the team (an 8 yr old) tapped the puck into an open net. It was a beautiful, unselfish, smart hockey play.

On reflection, getting cut was the best thing that could have happened. Josie learned to take responsibility for making herself and her team better. She committed herself to working on her game and she loves playing. I am confident that she advanced more as a player than she would have if she had been playing with her old team. More importantly, she made a bunch of new friends and had a lot fun.

I was talking to a more experienced Hockey Dad who imparted a bit of wisdom to me recently. He noted that some years are more memorable than others, some experiences more poignant – that you never know whether this year will be the best, the worst or even the last. When Josie is grown, she may very well look back at last year as her best year in hockey. It will certainly be a hard year to top from my perspective.

Hockey Trending on Twitter in D.C.?

davidoarr — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 03:51:59 +0000

Washington media is not exactly enamored with hockey. It is a town where bloggers almost always scoop traditional news outlets for hockey stories – assuming the Washington Post and local sports radio decide to cover the story at all. But if you live in this area, you have probably noticed that there are a lot more people than there used to be who follow and talk about hockey. Since the Redskins, Wizards and Nationals are years away from having even competitive, much less champtionship, caliber teams. The Washington Capitals are one of the only sports in town worth getting excited about.

The caps acquired a goalie from Florida earlier today and now the goalie’s name, Vokoun, is trending on Twitter. For a town that used to draw 6 to 8 thousand people to watch weeknight hockey games in an arena that holds 18 thousands, that is pretty amazing. It also speaks to the fact that sports fans tend to use Twitter more than others and Washington is the most “wired” town in the United States (Sorry NY, it’s true).

I know what your thinking, this blog is call AMATEUR hockey dad. True, but the number one issue we have in girls hockey in this area is a lack of players. The more kids and their parents are exposed to hockey, the more players we’ll get.

So, let’s go Twitter. Keep the hockey talk coming.

You ran over what?

davidoarr — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 05:59:24 +0000

Josie is very particular about her skates. I think it’s partly becuase when she first started skating I had her in skates that were way to large and she had a lot of difficulty learning basic techniques – like how to stop. She does not like to stand out in a crowd and when her instructor pointed the finger at her skates after a few lessons, I had lost all credibility as a purveyor of hockey knowledge and steward of equipment. We found a pair of skates she really liked last year – out of serendipity.

It was a dark and stormy night, not kidding, really was dark and stormy, although it was 4am. Josie and I were headed off to her 5am practice and it was pouring down rain. I threw her bag into the cab of truck and jumped in as quickly as I could. I drove all the way to the ice rink; Josie went the locker room and changed; then she came out wearing only one skate – we also lost her helmet, but that’s another story. I drove the 20 minutes back home thinking her skate must still be inside and there it was, sitting in the driveway, right where the truck had been. Being a denialist, I threw the skate into the truck and got back to the rink as quickly as I could. Josie was skating in one rental skate with dull blade and her one good skate. Did I mention these were brand new skates?

She was rather pathetic, so I pulled her off the ice and put her soaking wet skate on her foot and sent her back out. That’s when things got really pathetic. Every time she tried to skate on her outside edge of her left foot, she fell down. It was like someone was kicking her skates out from underneath her. She kept trying for almost an hour. Finally, I called her over and told her I thought I might have run over her skate. She was not happy. That was one the longest trips home I can remember.

The story ends well. I had to buy her a new pair of skates the next day and she has tiny feet. I had to get it at the pro shop in Rockville, where they don’t have much selection. I bought the only pair of skates in her size; a pair of Graf 35o. They just fit. Her first time on the skates it was obvious that these skates were the right ones for her.

Of course she outgrew them in 6 months and I had to find another pair. They apparently do not sell them anywhere near where I live, so I had to order them on the internet. I was a bit concerned about that, since I wasn’t sure the larger size would fit the same way. I have to say I am pleased. I got them from Total Hockey, which I would recommend over Hockey Monkey just based on this one shopping experience. They fit fine; they look identical; and she is happy. Everybody wins.

Balance – well, sort of.

davidoarr — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 01:20:56 +0000

Hockey offseason, or summer as some people call it, is in full swing. For amateur hockey dad that means I get to watch Josie play soccer and swim instead of play hockey and skate. I think most hockey players play at least one other sport competively. Swimming, golf, lacross and soccer seem to be amongst the most popular.

On balance, I think the break from Hockey is good for Josie. She’d gladly play hockey all year round – and in truth she is going to three weeks of camp this summer, but it’s good to do different things. I have noticed over the last two years that she has become pretty flat-footed and is developing what I’ve heard called “hockey butt”. Because skating requires strong glutial musles, female skaters tend to develop very muscular back-sides. Playing a bit of soccer and swimming helps to develop other muscles that tend to get less work on ice.

USAH Gets Rid of Checking for U12 (Peewees)

davidoarr — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 04:18:54 +0000

If you have not yet heard, the USAH has issued a new set of guidelines (http://bit.ly/jS6LvV) that eliminate checking from PeeWee hockey – U12 for the uninitiated. I know a lot of parents were upset about this decision, but as the father of an 11 year old female hockey player, I was ecstatic when I heard the news.

In most places, there just are not enough girls playing hockey to support a girls program. Even where there are enough girls to form an all girls team, the team often can’t find age and talent appropriate competition. This means that girls have to either play on boys teams or against boys teams. Don’t get me wrong, I think playing with the boys is great. At any given age, the boys tend to be more aggressive and a little faster than the girls.

Josie loves playing with and against boys, but she also likes playing with her girls team against other girls and until she turned 11, I encouraged both as much as possible. There is no checking in girls hockey at any level, so there is really no reason for girls to ever learn to play wih checking. Some girls certainly want and like to do so, but is also discourages many girls from either playing at all or playing with and against the boys teams. As a parent, the presense of checking makes my decision much harder. Is playing with the boys worth the risk of a concussion from a 12 year boy barreling into my daughter who is half his size? It might be for some, but it certainly is not for others, and at the end of the day, we need as many girls playing as much hockey as possible.

U12 Gold – Younger Girls Program

davidoarr — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 03:29:57 +0000

Josie is now enrolled in the Younger Girls program with the Montgomery Youth Hockey Association (MYHA), which seems to be a codename for the U12 Gold girls team. It is quite the step increase in terms of cost and time required. My commitment has gone from six weeks to six months and from $150 to $1800 – not including the cost of upgrading all of the pads, sticks, hockey accessories that now seem to be important (skull tape… gotta have it), and the hidden cost of eating three days a week at an ice rink snack bar. Hockey now drives our schedule instead of just fitting in around the edges. We plan around practice times, budget around payment times, and say parenty things like “We paid a lot of money for this, no you may not skip practice today and watch TV.”

None-the-less, Josie still loves to play and is really excited about playing with only girls, so I will keep writing checks, putting gas in the car, and spending my weekends on the exercise bike working off the now all-to-frequently consumed pretzels and hot chocolate.

It should be an interesting year. I am looking forward to sharing my insights.

Ten Things to bring to the hockey rink

davidoarr — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 04:38:44 +0000

I started this post last year and never quite got around to finishing it, but I think it is worth wrapping up before I get into the new season.

Here are the ten things you should bring to the Hockey Rink if you are a new hockey parent.

1) Coffee – and lots of it, the stronger the better. First , you are not watching the NHL here, you’re going to need the caffeine stay awake once the novelty of watching your darling child fall down on the ice for the first time or skate around in and endless ciricle wears off. You will get cold sitting on a metal bleacher underneath and air conditioner, next to a giant pad of ice. If you are going to an outdoor rink, bring one cup of coffee for each hand.

2) Camera – you know you want to record every moment, so go ahead and indulge this impulse. You’ll grow tired of it soon enough, but more memories are always better. Just be polite and don’t stand in anyone’s way or take pictures of the coaches, parents and other kids that you are going to post to flickr.

3) Blanket/Jacket - Two words – ice rink – it’s going to be cold in there. Its counter-intuitive, but most ice rinks are colder in the summer than in the winter because the AC is on high. The bleachers are usually metal (think of sitting on an ice cube) and hypothermia is a remote possibility. You might just want to sit on it, but I’ve never seen anyone regret having a little throw-blanket at the rink.

4) Cell Phone, PDA etc.. – Feel free to call everyone you know whenever your child does anything that you find remotely interesting. Grandparents love these updates; it’s like being there without having to put on shoes.

5) Pen and Paper – You are going to meet a lot of great people. Exchanging numbers and such is a given. Yes, I know you have a cell phone; but, no one wants wants to watch you fumble your way through your contact list – besides, your fingers will be too numb to type.

6) Hockey Tape – Make sure you tape the blade and top (butt) of you childs stick. Tape may also be required to keep on those shin-pads you bought off ebay – they were $5 for a reason.

7) Extra Socks – You will be in a hurry at some point frantically trying to get your child dressed. Don’t let a missing sock be your downfall. Just throw a few extras into your bag. If you never use them, great. If you need them, they’re a lifesaver.

8) Water – Think about how much your child would drink during an hour long soccer or football practice. Even if it is just a thirty minute lesson, they will sweat and need a drink immediately after coming off the ice.

9) Soft Hair Bands – Ok… This is more of a critical item if you have a long haired daughter like I do, but there is nothing more embarrasing than being the one responsible for the hair-blind kid who looks like cousin Itt on skates. Make all hair adjustments before putting on your child’s helmet and make sure any ponytails are inserted low to prevent them from pushing uncomfortably against your child’s head.

10) A positive attitude – If you have fun, your child will be much more likely to have fun and that makes learning how to skate and play a whole lot easier on everyone. Don’t stress out about the little stuff.

Good luck and hope to see you at the rink.

First Game – Gooooaaaal

davidoarr — Mon, 18 May 2009 05:15:21 +0000

Josie played in her first real full ice scrimmage today in the MYHA instructional scrimmage program. It’s an hour long scrimmge used to teach all of the basics of playing an actual hockey game. She played center on a line with two boys. She had a lot of firsts today. She had never taken a face-off before and her line started the game. When the puck was dropped and the boy across from her started smacking her feet, I thought she might bang him over the head with her stick; luckily, they both just fell down in a heap.

Once the game got going, she did really well and scored her first goal. The coach pulled the puck out of the net after she scored and gave it to her after the game. I thought that was a really nice gesture. She is definitely a better skater than she is a puck-hander at this point, but I don’t think it will take long for her to catch up. She whiffed on several shot attempts, but so did most of the other kids.